you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
