I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
