I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
