I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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