You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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