Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
