She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
