If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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