just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
