textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
