There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
