last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
