She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize