I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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