I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were trust falling into bushes
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize