I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
