I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
