I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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