Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
