everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize