I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
