If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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