drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
