dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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