one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
