I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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