so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Success! We fucked roommates!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
