he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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