dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
