I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
