Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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