And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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