Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
