you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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