if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
