Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
