my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
