Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
