I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He passed out mid-signature
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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