Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
