This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize