so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
