Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize