I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
