i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
