Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(786): View more from Florida

Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.

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(678): View more from Georgia

stop calling my apartment porn island.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

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(410): View more from Maryland

still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!

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(618): View more from Illinois

My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family

(202): View more from Washington, DC

In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?

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