just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
