Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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