just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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