She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
