Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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