At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
