I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
