That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
