It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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