If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
