I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
