I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
