I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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