with your own penis?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
