I hate all girls vehemently.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
