i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
