he shaved USA in his pubs
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
