Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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