after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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