Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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