just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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