If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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