You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
