I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
