I faked an abortion last night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
