The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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