I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I currently don't understand fingers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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