I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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