I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
