Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
