What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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