So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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