hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You don't make any sense
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