I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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