I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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