I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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