I wish my penis had an off switch
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
