is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
