Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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