I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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