Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
