Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
