Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
