In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
