I'm so fucking centered right now
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
