if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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