forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just cropdusted the office
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
