Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
