I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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