the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is it penis luge time yet?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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