her vagine was all disorganized.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
