I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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