? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize