he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was like eating out sand paper
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
