you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
