you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
