Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
