I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
