I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
