I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
