Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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