I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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