Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
