paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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