shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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