he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
