You really coming over, don't trick.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Small penises have feelings too.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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