Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
