her vagine was all disorganized.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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