I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
